Thief! Aladdin Parody
by OtakuSailorV
Summary: AU He meant to steal jewels and a wealth of gold, not this stupid lamp! RenkotsuTsubaki, .::COMPLETE::.
1. Part One

_**Thief!**_

_- An 'Aladdin' Parody -_

By: OtakuSailorV 

A Holy Man they called him, a King's advisor, one who could tell by simply glancing at the stars what your fate was to be. Both a frightening and mysterious power that no one dared question for fear of angering the gods that looked down from the same stars that the Holy Men prophesized from.

It was quite a luxurious ability as well. The King's Advisor was allowed to lodge in the Royal Palace and was cared for as if he were a prince while also receiving a King's ransom for a paycheck. Anyone would agree that if they had to be something they would be a King's Prophet and live the easy life. After all, what was better than looking to the stars on a cloudless night and telling some odd prophecy or another?

Renkotsu agreed with this sentiment, it was definitely the easy life, if nothing else. The only thing that made him different from his comrades was that he was one of the few crooked prophets that was after more than simply the high life of a King's Court. In fact, he wasn't even a real prophet to begin with. Taking the name of a King's Advisor was all that was needed - along with maybe a prophecy or two - to get into the palace.

There was something better than the court life and the handsome check he received though, something he was consistently after at every turn.

What could be better than the high life of the court, you ask? Why, really nothing, unless you were willing to stick your neck out a bit. . .The King's Treasury, the place where all the wealth of the kingdom spilled in to, is obviously what any thief or vagrant wanderer would be after. And it just so happened that Renkotsu was indeed a thief.

The word 'thief' seemed far too petty for a master like he though, for no one suspected a Holy Man to be a crook. No, he would rather prefer people call him more of a bandit, though that still was a bit gruff. Whatever people chose to call it or his strange profession, it all boiled down to the same thing: thievery.

Renkotsu, who used the name of a holy Man and King's Advisor to win favor in the court, actually was stealing every last gold coin from the Royal Treasury and making off in the middle of the night, leaving no tracks for the guards to follow. He made out like a bandit every time.

When he reached the next village, he would sell his wares and go back out in search of new plunder. It was just too easy, like stealing candy from children.

He had not once in his travels met one liked-minded in his ways and was starting to conceive the pompous notion that no one rivaled him in brains. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, ne?

* * *

It was sunny again. Too sunny too often for Renkotsu. He hated this darned sun that shone down and burnt everything to a crisp. Why was it always so freaking bright out! It was a hundred degrees out during the day, and nearly below freezing at night. It was like the place was bipolar or something! It was just driving him nuts, he didn't know any other area he had been to so far that was like this. He would have to hurry up with his job here and get lost. 

Ahead loomed a mighty golden-domed and white-walled palace, a white and gold painted wall rising around it, hiding all but the tops of the green trees from passersby. It was strange seeing that color, so vibrant and alive among a sea of sand and a wave of sweltering heat. That just made it all the more promising though, and from the news this would definitely be an easy job for the princess of the palace was looking for suitors…

* * *

Tsubaki looked over the suitors set before her with disdain. They were all prim-and-proper know-it-alls and those were the kind of people she hated most. Why did her father insist that she get married _now_? It wasn't like the old man was _dying_ or anything, so why the rush? She crossed her arms over her chest in a huff, well she'd just have to go through this again until there was no one left and then she'd see what the old man did. 

The first of them came up, flashing her a 'look-at-me' smile meant to win her over before climbing the steps to the puffy throne she sat on. It wasn't exactly a 'throne' but more of a collection of large pillows, and neither were the 'steps' actual steps but rather two raised parts of the jade floor.

The man in the clown suit and the flashy smile addressed her and then sprung immediately into introducing himself while she daydreamed about how she could kill him.

Under the pile of pillows she felt something writhe and move and she quickly shifted, squashing it with her weight. A muffled hiss was heard by her ears alone before the great white snake's head peeked out of the cushions and curved around her waist tightly before climbing up the rest of her body.

Tsubaki stroked the white head absently; the white snake was her constant companion, she had little fear of anything already but she knew she was invincible when she had the snake with her.

She had tried to hide him from her suitors, but the serpent refused to stay away from her for long and so she did nothing when he came up and rested by coiling himself protectively about her.

The suitor in front of her nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of the great white serpent with pale gleaming eyes and horns atop its head. As if to make itself appear innocent, it flicked its tongue at the suitor in an inviting way.

Tsubaki tried to keep a straight face, but a smirk was dying to break free. The man was a complete wimp; just as she had thought and he had already lost his place in his grand speech about himself and was now a stuttering mass of quaking pudding.

He did finish whatever he had been saying though, his eyes now on the snake, his skin losing its color and his knees wobbling under him unsteadily. A panicky bow and he was off, walking as fast as he could out of the door.

Tsubaki sat back, rubbing her snake's head as the next suitor came up, looking a little braver than his predecessor did in face of the giant white snake, but not much.

* * *

Renkotsu's climbed the steps to the palace's entrance; looking at the large, smooth columns that held aloft the golden roof to the palace. Arabian spires lifted toward the sky, threatening to tear at the fabric of the silky clouds if they dared come too close to their golden majesty. 

This would be much easier than he first thought. He could tell just by the gaudy construction of the building.

A pale man hurried by him, making him break from his smug musings. Looking back over his shoulder, he could tell from the garbs the man sported that he was a prince or some kind of important person or another. He looked incredibly jittery, making Renkotsu wonder if maybe the man had just escaped some horrible penalty. Maybe the princess was truly an over-bearing witch and not some sweet, gentle, quiet thing that was easy to intimidate. Renkotsu snorted at the thought, it was not likely at all. Princess' were silly and flirty, he knew this quite well, and the prince that had just hurried by look like the kind of man that would be afraid of his own shadow anyway.

Continuing on, he didn't give the man or the other's hurrying by him in a frenzied manner a second thought.

* * *

Well, the entertainment for the day was over. Or so Tsubaki thought as she watched the rest of her suitors turn and flee. 

Carelessly she had let her pet glide across the floor and inspect them more closely. Carelessly she had not called him back, even when she saw the venomous glint in his eyes as he wound his way toward one of the fatter princes near the back of the line. Carelessly she egged him on inside her own mind, daring him, even ordering him to bite at the chubby heels of the nervous-looking man.

She sighed now as she recalled the last few moments in which the snake had let out a hiss and snapped at the fat man, toying with him. The others in front and behind him nearly jumped a mile. It only took the snake a moment to rear up to nearly half their height, and by then they had all fled in terror of the creature, fearing for their lives. She scoffed at them, such children afraid of a snake that wasn't even poisonous. None of them deserved to be her prince if they weren't brave enough to face off against her snake pet.

Idly, she stroked its scaly head as it hissed pleasantly. The approach of a tall figure catching her eye in between the columns and coming closer. Was this another of her suitors newly arriving? She couldn't tell from where she was sitting what he looked like really, or if he was anything like the others either.

Her snake slid down from his seat in her lap and made his way halfway between the man and his mistress before stopping.

Renkotsu's eyes flickered toward the snake that sat watching him with leering pale eyes. It was strange, but he had seen much strange in his travels. He passed it up without even giving it a second thought and made his way toward her Royal Highness seated so comfortably among her throne of pillows.

She did have a hard look, possibly a pain-in-the-ass spoiled brat like that princess he had conned back in- what country had that been again? Well, she had that look anyway, and it was probably the snake that had scared that flurry of princes away.

Stopping by the two steps that led up to her platform, Renkotsu went down on one knee, bowing his head before speaking. "Greetings, Princess. I am Renkotsu, a King's Adviser."

* * *

Tsubaki glared at their new 'Adviser's' back from behind one of the tall stone pillars. 

He had been there for two weeks since their initial meeting. Her father had hired him immediately and now kept him constantly by his side. He proclaimed to dinner guests how 'helpful' his new adviser was and toasted his health at every turn. Renkotsu pretended to be embarrassed by all the attention, but she could see right through him. Even the kind smiles he threw at her were fake; the smiles from her suitors were more winning than what he was trying to pass off as kindness.

She wrinkled her nose at him; she despised him and all his fake trappings. And judging from the grimaces he made behind her father's back so did he.

He was no adviser, she knew he was conning her father. Not that she cared; the old man deserved it for dropping his guard and trusting such an obviously untruthful man. In fact, she applauded anyone outside of herself that pulled the wool over the old man's eyes. So maybe the bald idiot did have _some_ redeeming qualities. She still hated him though.

Walking off haughtily, her snake joining her at her side almost instantly, melting out of the background as if he were nothing more than an apparition.

* * *

Tsubaki refused to show up for dinner, she was angry with her father for making her go through with more of those stupid suitor interviews the next morning. He had been furious when he found out that her pet had scared the others away before she got to meet them all formally. And she in turn had become furious at the proposal that he would pick her husband for her if she continued to act so childishly. 

Combing her thick black locks angrily, she caught a flicker of movement in her mirror and immediately whirled. Flinging out her arm roughly, the snake that had been coiled about her body rushed forward with a loud hiss. It's eyes flashed dangerously as it landed on the ground and lunged toward the figure standing behind the curtain of flowing veils that made up one wall of her large room.

There was a blast of fire, and the veils fluttered back worriedly. Tsubaki heard her snake hiss and it slowly appeared back in front of the veils, it's eyes following Renkotsu as he walked into the room.

Tsubaki narrowed her eyes at him in disgust. What was he doing in her room? How dare he!

She snapped her fingers and her pet reluctantly came back to her side, still hissing venomously at the intruder in her room.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped at him testily. "It is forbidden for men to enter my room."

"Your father sent me, he says that I am to inform you that your dinner is growing cold and you would do best to come and eat," he said with mock grace. He was running an appraising eye over her room's decorations.

She sat back down at the chair and table set up by her mirror. "You're wasting your time trying to sweet-talk me, King's Adviser Renkotsu," she said haughtily, though she gave him a sly smirk over her shoulder.

"I have no idea what you're talking about _princess_," he replied, stressing the word 'princess' with the same sly smirk. "Now, if that is all, I will make my way back to the dining hall. Would you like me to escort you, _princess_?"

Tsubaki gave a terse 'humph' though she was giving him her most smile-like smirk. Well, he was certainly something. He was a con man, a total fake and rather good looking as well, but she was supposed to hate him. Or was she? She knew she was playing right into his hand, but then again, she had a few tricks left as well.

"I don't need you to walk me anywhere," she snorted and stalked past him.

Renkotsu shook his head when she left, the girl was absolutely infuriating, as was this whole stupid act he was putting up. He couldn't let out quite yet though, he might have won the king's trust, but he had learned nothing of the royal treasury yet.

Turning to go, he kicked lightly at the head of the great white snake that still sat in the room, watching him carefully. It's head snapped forward, trying to catch at least the heel of his boot, but it missed and was left hissing and spitting as Renkotsu left close behind Tsubaki.

* * *

Finally! After nearly a month of doing nothing but buttering up the kind and kissing his ass at every turn, Renkotsu had found out everything that he needed to know about the royal treasury. According to his calculations, he would not be able to carrying everything inside without making several trips. That would take too long, so he would simply go in and steal the valuable things and move as fast as he could, maybe steal a horse from the royal stables. 

The King was a hyperactive mess, Renkotsu was glad to be rid of him finally. There was nothing more annoying than a man that couldn't make his own decisions without someone else's approval first.

And his daughter! Aside from the fact that Renkotsu was startled any woman would ever sleep with that man, he was on his last leg with that infuriating female! He smirked to himself as he thought of her. Yes, she might be exceptionally pretty, but she was also horribly vain, snobby and a royal pain-in-the-ass. She insisted upon tripping him up publicly, trying to get him to fall out of his charade by enticing him with her coy, sly attitude. He was sure she knew what he really was, but it didn't matter now.

Chuckling darkly, he walked off, heavy golden key to the vault in hand.

In the shadows slunk a ghostly white figure, but it went unnoticed by the bald adviser as he passed, crawling on its belly back to its mistress.

* * *

The doors were heavy, but Renkotsu was no ordinary man and easily shoved them aside. 

Inside was not one, not two, not even three or four, but five mountains of golden coins cascading down into smaller hills. Jewels sparkled in the sides of the golden mountains, winking at him seductively. Giant rubies, huge emeralds, sapphires the size of his fist. Pearl earrings and necklaces; diamond rings and golden bracelets. Swords made of gold and silver with intricate designs inlaid with jewels of profound worth. He couldn't believe it. Of all the wealth in the world, this had to be the greatest. And yet the town outside was like any other hick town he had passed through. This was amazing!

The most intriguing thing, though, was the solitary marble pedestal with a dull golden lamp. Well, it was supposed to be gold, but the years had worn away most of it's color so that it appeared bronze instead.

Quirking an eyebrow, he figured he had a moment to investigate and headed over to it. Picking it up, he looked it over, but it looked ordinary, dull, and meaningless. It was a scrap of junk among the rest of this treasure heap. But surely they would not keep a thing of so little merit in the treasure vault if they thought it was nothing. . .

Looking a bit more closely, he found that his finger was over a thin inscription that was neatly placed on the side of the lamp. Unfortunately, he couldn't read it with all the dirt on the lamp, and hastily ran his hands over it to try and clean off the dirt.

There was a rumbling beneath his fingertips as he did so, and he started quizzically, staring at the lamp as it began to glow and vibrate more heavily.

There was a loud popping noise and then the most hideously girly stench that he had ever smelled filled the air. The room was awash in girlie sparkles; glitter and swirley pink smoke that made the smell of flowers lift even more heavily in the air.

Renkotsu coughed loudly, covering his mouth with one hand while still trying to hold on to the lamp.

A loud yawn filled the room and suddenly the smoke cleared to show a very pretty. . .something, Renkotsu's wasn't sure – sitting in midair in front of him. It wore all pink and had a dangerous looking sword on its back. It was watching Renkotsu as if still half-asleep.

Renkotsu looked the 'something' over. It was far too feminine and pretty to be a boy, but it was still built like a man, and its chest was bare, so it must be a-

Renkotsu nearly grimaced.

"Who woke me up?" The young man asked, still floating.

Renkotsu looked at the lamp; a thin wisp of frilly pink was attached to the young man's feet. Was this one of those- but it couldn't be- like it could be anything else though!

"What the hell are you?" Renkotsu asked angrily, ignoring the young man's question altogether.

"I'm a genie, and who the hell are you?" he retorted, leaning forward to get a good look at the face of the man that had summoned him and was thus his 'master.'

A genie! He had suspected as much, but weren't genies supposed to be. . .more intimidating looking? The only intimidating thing about this genie was his sword! Great, and by summoning the genie he was the new 'master' now, wasn't he?

There was a clatter outside and Renkotsu whirled to see that there was a troop of guards outside the door, led by her royal-pain-in-the-ass and her pet snake. She gave him a smug smirk. "Hello King's adviser Renkotsu, what are you doing in my father's treasure vault so late at night?"

Her eyes flickered to the feminine young man floating above the gold-bronze lamp in Renkotsu's hands. "And I see that the genie has been awoken as well," she said, not at all startled.

The genie looked at those before him quizzically. "What's going on?" he asked Renkotsu, but his 'master' wasn't paying any attention.

Renkotsu ground his teeth; the woman was an infuriating as ever. Well, there was nothing left to do now but fight. He would probably only escape with a bauble or two, but that was fine as long as he got something.

Grasping the lamp tightly, he dove toward the guards, surprising them by sending plumes of flame in every direction. The genie bumped along behind him, attached to the lamp that was still held tightly in Renkotsu's hand. He let out a yell and several curses of protest, but they fell on deaf ears.

Tsubaki kept her head, unlike the guards that had just scattered like leaves in a breeze at the sight of the fire-user.

"A magician!" They yelled, terrified as they fled. They were simple folk and did not understand even the simplicity of Renkotsu's fire throwing.

Throwing her arm forward, Tsubaki's right eye nearly glowed as her snake pet slithered forward, its great jaws open, ready to strike.

Renkotsu easily batted it aside though and took off, exchanging a smug glance with Tsubaki before rounding the corner and escaping down the hallway.

Tsubaki looked over her shoulder, watching his dark figure in the wan moonlight as he ran for the main hall and the door to freedom, the genie floating freely behind him, cursing the entire time. Her snake hissed in pain and anger, a patch of its perfect white skin had been burnt by Renkotsu's fire.

So, they had both finally met their match. She wondered as she closed the doors to the vault back if she would ever meet that man again.

* * *

I've decided that instead of a one-shot that this would be a three-part series. Well, it actually took a bit of persuasion from Skittlez-chan (ok, a lot) to get me to decide against my initial 'one-shot' idea. Thanks for both the idea and the push to get it finished, Skittlez-chan!

Well, this is my first try at strictly TsubakiRenkotsu fanfiction, so I hope it turned out all right. And next chapter shall see a focus on Ren-kun and his 'genie.' Haha, ten points to those of you who can guess who the 'genie' is.

Anyway, thanks for reading this far minna-san, and be sure to leave a review. **Grin** Ja'ne!

Review Please.


	2. Part Two

Thief!

By: OtakuSailorV

Second Article: Renkotsu and the Genie

"Yes, there is no wishing for more wishes, no wishing for the raising of the dead, no wishing for the death of another or yourself, you cannot wish for someone to fall in love with you." The genie ticked off the rules on his fingers, thoughtfully peering at the sky as he tried to recall all of them. It had been a while since he had last had to do this and he was finding it hard to remember what wishes he could and could not grant.

"Well, no great loss there," Renkotsu said to himself carelessly. "Anything else you're not allowed to do?"

The genie grinned to himself as he recalled the final rule. "Oh yes, there's one more," he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Renkotsu waited for a moment and when the genie was silent, he grew cross. "Well? Out with it!"

"You are not allowed to wish for someone to break up with you, but by the looks of you, there's no need for you to wish for that. I'm sure any woman that comes within five feet of you turns to stone," the genie mocked.

Renkotsu rolled his eyes, making a sour face at the genie's joke. "Oh yes, quite hilarious. I'm sure you get a lot of action sitting in a bottle for years on end too." He replied, already thinking about what he would wish for.

The genie grew grumpy immediately, glaring at his new 'master' with a look of utter loathing. Maybe he would have been able to put up with this if his new master were as cute as his old one, but this man was hideously ugly! He was sure he was cursed, having to put up with a bald asshole like this after so many years sitting in that smelly old lamp by himself. _'You could have at least been a cute bald asshole,'_ the genie thought grudgingly.

For a half-hour there was silence between them. The genie floated about, investigating the oasis that Renkotsu had stopped in while the said villain sat on a craggy rock by the clear pool of water, head sitting on his fist in thought. His eyes shifted every once in a while, as if he were studying each grain of sand individually. The silence did not seem to bother him at all, but the genie was growing more and more bored by the minute.

With a heavy sigh, he broke the silence, receiving a sharp glare from Renkotsu, warning him not to interrupt his thoughts.

"You know, you only get three wishes, so you had better make them good," the genie informed him, floating on his back in mid-air, arms behind his head.

Renkotsu snorted at him derisively, wasn't he lucky to be stuck with the most feminine and annoying genie around? Besides, he knew how deals like this went. It was common knowledge that genies granted three wishes and then they were gone, so you had to make sure the three wishes were good ones. Well, he had already schemed up a way that he could come out on top _and_ get that bitch of a princess back for humiliating him at her palace.

"Alright, genie, I have a wish," he said, straightening in his seat.

"No," the genie replied lazily, continuing to float around on his back.

"What do you mean 'no'?" Renkotsu demanded.

"I mean that I have a name and I refuse to grant your wish if you do not call me by that name," the genie replied, closing his eyes lazily.

Renkotsu rolled his eyes again; he was in no mood at all to deal with such a picky genie. "Alright, alright, what is it?"

"Jakotsu."

What a stupid name. "Alright genie, I wish that I were a prince," Renkotsu said, ignoring the look of anger that crossed the genie's face.

Jakotsu sat up straight in mid-air, glaring at Renkotsu for being so rude as to still refer to him as 'genie' when he had just been told his name. It was too late now though, he had already said 'I wish,' and Jakotsu could do nothing but grant his wish for him now, even if he thought that his master was a rude bastard. _'This isn't right, I'm calling the union when I'm done with this job,'_ Jakotsu thought to himself as he prepared to use his magic.

"As you wish," he grumbled as he made a gesture as if rolling up his non-existent sleeves. His hands came down in a loop toward Renkotsu and with a flick of his wrist; he sat back again, looking over the still ugly bald man standing in front of him, looking expectant.

"Well?" Renkotsu demanded when Jakotsu said nothing, just stared at him with little interest.

"You're uglier as a prince than you were as a bandit," Jakotsu replied in an almost disappointed tone, though it wasn't as if Renkotsu had changed at all. "I guess your ugly inside and out no matter what magic is used on you."

Renkotsu snorted again. "Tch, and your opinion matters to me." He looked himself over as he spoke, but he didn't look any different, nor did he feel any different. What was this? Hadn't the stupid genie granted his wish or was he still hung up on the name thing? "Well, am I a prince?"

Jakotsu rolled his eyes, looking quite pleased with himself. "Yes, but what are you prince of? Crooks?" The genie looked about to burst out laughing at the look of outrage that crossed Renkotsu's face.

"I have to waste another wish to make myself prince of some country now?" He asked, trying to keep his tone level, but Jakotsu's humor at the moment irked him.

"Yeah, more or less," Jakotsu shrugged, resisting the urge to laugh again as his new master's shoulders tensed in anger.

Renkotsu fumed for a moment, angry that he had already messed up. How could he have let himself be duped like that? Now he had completely wasted a wish! There were only two left, he must think hard and choose his words carefully if he did not wish to lose any more of them to the genie. Suddenly an idea hit him and he smirked to himself, that would certainly make her angry…

"Genie, make me the crown prince of the country neighboring this one."

* * *

Jakotsu grumbled to himself, he had been in a foul mood ever since Renkotsu's second wish had actually worked, and with much success. Renkotsu was now a prince and quite a stuck-up bastard of a prince too, if Jakotsu did say so himself. Not only had he been confined to his dank lamp ever since Renkotsu had entered the palace, but the ruling sultan had the nerve not to recruit any cute boys for his army. All that stood guard were burly, sweaty men that smelled atrocious and had the brains of a camel. 

This life was dull, even duller than living in the lamp for a thousand years, awaiting a new master. Renkotsu seemed to be enjoying himself, after all, he had all the riches, women and booze he could ever want. It was in his shallow mind 'heaven,' but Jakotsu was not content at all. He hated the cramped lamp, the annoying voices of the flirting women, the dull look in the dark black eyes of the guards and the overall atmosphere. His master still had one wish left, why didn't he just use it already? He resolved to ask him for his last wish later that night.

* * *

"My last wish?" 

"Yeah, you've used up two already, and I'm getting tired of waiting on you to make up your mind about your third wish," Jakotsu snapped at him irritably.

"Well, you're going to have to wait a bit longer, I've still gotta go to see the neighboring countries princess before I make any more wishes." Renkotsu laid back on a large, fluffy cushion lazily, sighing contentedly.

Jakotsu's jaw dropped, his eyes nearly popped out of his head, his blood pressure was skyrocketing as he grew angrier and angrier with the pin-head of a prince he was forced to grant wishes for. "Damnit, then why are you sitting around here for! Go to the stupid princess and make your last wish so I can go! In fact, why don't you have your last wish be to free the genie from the lamp?"

Renkotsu chuckled to himself and Jakotsu felt his anger growing still at the idiotic smirk on his master's lips. "Heh," was all he replied before rolling onto his side and falling asleep.

Jakotsu ground his teeth as he fumed. _'You had better be thankful I'm not allowed to kill you.'_

* * *

It took another month for Renkotsu to get everything together for his trip back to the country he had just fled from. He was looking quite pleased with himself as he sat on top of his jaunty camel, looking out across the sands of the desert as if he expected to see Princess Tsubaki standing there, waiting for him. 

Jakotsu's lamp had been strapped to his belt with the help of some leather. The genie was hot inside of the golden lamp and yelled obscene things out the spout several times at Renkotsu, who did not hear them at all.

What a trip! There were eighty camels in all and a good deal more people, all of them just a caravan for the now-prince Renkotsu. Jakotsu didn't see the point of such a thing, but he didn't care as long as he knew that the granting of the third wish was just on the next horizon.

* * *

Finally back with the second part to this little fic, and here its way shorter than the last one. Gah, sorry minna-san. Does everyone seem pretty IC? I'm obsessive about characterization, I know, humor me. Sorry the update took so long as well. I had a case of writer's block for this story and couldn't get to work on it properly for a while.

Thanks to my reviewers, and thanks for your patience. As always, thanks to Skittlez-chan the most for help with the story, the creation of the plot bunny, and for simply reminding me to update. Heehee, thanks again minna-san! Ja'ne!

Review Please?


	3. Part Three

_**Thief!**_

_- An 'Aladdin' Parody -_

By: OtakuSailorV

_Third Article: Reunited_

Renkotsu was quite pleased with himself; his entrance into the royal city had been a bit unnerving though. He had released the genie before entering the city, ordering it to announce his entrance to all around as loudly as possible. The genie had grudgingly done so, counting it as part of Renkotsu's original wish to be a prince, and all prince's were quite flamboyant when it came to announcing their presence. Jakotsu, however, was not about to do such a thing without receiving some form of payment in return and so he created the grandest procession into the city ever, conjuring up an entire musical number for his "prince."

Jakotsu howled with laughter as the enchanted elephant that Renkotsu rode on began to trumpet a herald and dance in time with the rest of the cast, and quite skillfully for a beast of that size, he had to admit. Those around him danced as well and sang out in perfect chorus. Jakotsu was quite pleased with the choreography; he hadn't thought that the show would be pulled off so well on such short notice. He'd have to remind Renkotsu to tip the entire cast for such a wonderful performance later on. Unable to withhold himself, Jakotsu joined in on the song, leading the entire procession toward the gates of the palace.

The crowd around them cheered wildly, waving at the prince that paid them no attention and following the entire parade as far as they could. It seemed as if the entire city had turned out to see what all of the ruckus was; people hung out windows, stood on rooftops and climbed on top of one another to better see the gaudy display of royalty that marched past them.

The gates to the palace were shut tight when they arrived, but the parade of wild beasts, acrobats, jugglers, tumblers, horsemen, men-at-arms and the genie were not at all dismayed. The gates burst open as if a giant hand had blown them apart, the hinges broke with the force and the locks and bolts of the mighty door flew away, torn as easily as paper. The procession marched on as if nothing had happened, the palace guards gawked openly at the intruders, lacking the will to move to try and contain the parade. If the mighty doors that had withstood a frontal attack by a sandworm were no use against these intruders, then what use would they, the palace guards, be? They'd be shredded by their own weapons before they'd lay a hand on even one of those that now streamed through the gap where the gates had been.

The princess, hearing the noise and bombarded by fleeing men-at-arms and guardsmen that seemed about to cry, came to the front of the palace in a rampaging flurry. Her eyes were narrowed with death and her pet, the horned snake, hissed and struck at any who dared some within five feet of its mistress. Her silver hair swirled behind her, framing her features so that she looked even more frightening as she approached.

Horrified servants and guards were stuck in the middle, knowing neither whether they should run toward their princess or away from her. At last they seemed to think it best to surge around her flanks on either side, making sure to stay five or six feet away from her pet. So it was that the only one to greet the finale of the parade's musical number was the princess Tsubaki, which displeased Jakotsu greatly.

Renkotsu smirked at her ruefully, though still ruffled by the unwanted song and dance bit. Still, he had to admit now that it had put quite the impression on that haughty little princess for she was scowling darkly, angry as all hell.

There was a long silence in which no one moved, and then…

"I knew you were gay," Tsubaki grumbled, looking over the entire procession before her with a critical eye. Then, more loudly, "What do you want?"

Renkotsu, his smirk a little lop-sided after her blow to his pride, remained even-tempered nonetheless. "I like this palace," Renkotsu looked at the huge palace before him, "I think I'll take it."

Tsubaki seethed, her eyes narrowing impossibly further. "What," she hissed so faintly that Renkotsu wouldn't have known she had spoken at all if he hadn't been watching her so intently.

He pointed a scimitar at her that had been placed by his side until that time; the point nearly touched the tip of her nose. Instinctively she drew back from it and glared at him. Her pet hissed loudly and its scales rattled as it tightened its coils protectively. The beast's red eyes glowed venomously as it tasted the air with its forked tongue.

"I suggest you surrender immediately, princess, if you value that pretty head of yours."

* * *

Jakotsu leaned on a bed of pillows that had been especially prepared for him, his chin in one hand, elbow resting comfortably on the pillows. Despite the luxury now given him, he was pouting. He hated that Renkotsu was still keeping him around now that he had his revenge. Jakotsu could hardly stand to be in the room any longer with all those horribly filthy women loitering about, giggling and gossiping and fanning the esteemed 'prince.' They wouldn't leave him alone either, despite his cold attitude toward them and repeatedly informing them that he couldn't indulge in human food and drink nor did he wish to with them. He would much rather be trapped inside of that lamp for the rest of eternity than have to remain here like this!

"Renkotsu," he drawled grumpily, shooing away two more whispering gossipers that crowded near him seductively. They huffed in disappointment and glided away.

"Renkotsu_-sama_," the new 'sultan' corrected lazily.

Jakotsu paused, glaring. "Renkotsu, when are you going to make your last wish? You've had your petty revenge, now make a wish and let me go."

There was another pause; Renkotsu was purposely delaying his reply to tick off the pink-clad genie.

"Guard, bring in Princess Tsubaki, I wish to see her," he finally said, ignoring Jakotsu completely.

Jakotsu seethed, shaking with anger and with a puff of glittery pink smoke, disappeared inside the lamp which glowed red-hot as Jakotsu spit with anger and hatred. The women of the court looked displeased as well, huffing and whispering jealously back and forth at the mention of the princess' name. None of them wanted the woman there for many reasons, most of it being that they did not wish to share the sultan with the princess.

Tsubaki stormed in far ahead of her stumbling guard, her pet clinging to her body and shoulders and watching Renkotsu with a dangerous steadiness. Anyone else would have paled and pulled away from the approaching pair, but Renkotsu merely smirked, knowing that he held the power now and not the princess.

"What do you want, Renkotsu?" she sniffed, jerking her chin up so that she looked down on him.

"I think I'd like to make my last wish now," Jakotsu peeked out from under the lid of his lamp at those words. "Jakotsu…"

The genie popped out in a plume of pink smoke that glittered brilliantly. He smiled benignly at the sultan seated on the cushions and surrounded by scantily clad and veiled women. He clasped his hands formally and bowed to Renkotsu, though it made him want to wretch in the process. However, he was too happy to hear that Renkotsu was finally going to release him from his service to care much. "You called?"

"Princess Tsubaki would you like to be a sultana?" Renkotsu smirked, teasing the princess was one of his favorite things to do these days. Of course she wanted to be a sultana, it was her right to have control of his palace, but she did not want a man and especially not him. How ironic that she was now taking orders from a former underling. And one that had tricked both she and her father and avoided the executioner's axe as well! He nearly laughed outright at her, so great was his mirth at such an ironic turn of events.

Her lips were flat, paling as she frowned, the skin under one eye twitching. She looked the flamboyant genie over with a disdainful eye, seeing for the first time the reason why she had fallen so suddenly from grace. She sneered at Jakotsu who returned the look gladly. The princess' albino snake sat up on her shoulders and bobbed its head at Jakotsu, though it seemed displeased as well.

"So you had to call upon the genie of the lamp for assistance," she sneered when she finally tore her eyes from Jakotsu. "Not smart enough to devise another way to cheat your way to the top?"

"If I could just wish for something to be, why bother wasting years of my life trying to achieve it otherwise, even if it would prove to the world my cunning?" Renkotsu sipped at a cup of wine that was presented to him.

Jakotsu and Tsubaki rolled their eyes in unison, noticed the perfectly timed coincidence and exchanged withering glares before turning on Renkotsu again.

"Renkotsu, your wish," Jakotsu pressed earnestly, ready to get back in his lamp and leave this filthy man behind forever. He was sure he was starting to develop a rash where that filthy chamber wench had stroked his arm in greeting before.

"Ah, right, I wish that the genie of the lamp was free and that he retained his phenomenal cosmic powers," Renkotsu waved a hand dismissively.

Jakotsu paused, a wicked grin spread across his features. He exchanged a look with Tsubaki, for she too had heard the ancient warning about a genie's wishes. She laughed loudly right in Renkotsu's face. He started, staring at her and then at Jakotsu in a quizzical panic.

"Three wishes I'll grant you, three wishes be small," Jakotsu chanted teasingly, his pink smoke turning a lurid purple-red. "But if you wish a fourth wish, then you loose them all!"

Renkotsu jumped up in rage and advanced on the genie and princess with a scowl. "What? I don't remember making a fourth wish!"

"_I wish that the genie of the lamp was free **and** that he retained his phenomenal cosmic powers,_" Jakotsu quoted and burst into renewed laughter at the stricken look that crossed Renkotsu's features.

The man opened his mouth to demand a proper explanation, but already the smoke had engulfed him and the shrieking laughter of the princess echoed in his ears as the ground dropped out from under him.

* * *

The doors were heavy, but Renkotsu was no ordinary man and easily shoved them aside.

Inside was not one, not two, not even three or four, but five mountains of golden coins cascading down into smaller hills. Jewels sparkled in the sides of the golden mountains, winking at him seductively. Giant rubies, huge emeralds, sapphires the size of his fist. Pearl earrings and necklaces; diamond rings and golden bracelets. Swords made of gold and silver with intricate designs inlaid with jewels of profound worth. He couldn't believe it. Of all the wealth in the world, this had to be the greatest. And yet the town outside was like any other hick town he had passed through. This was amazing!

The most intriguing thing, though, was the solitary marble pedestal with a dull golden lamp. Well, it was supposed to be gold, but the years had worn away most of it's color so that it appeared bronze instead.

Quirking an eyebrow, he figured he had a moment to investigate and headed over to it. Picking it up, he looked it over, but it looked ordinary, dull, and meaningless. It was a scrap of junk among the rest of this treasure heap. But surely they would not keep a thing of so little merit in the treasure vault if they thought it was nothing. . .

Looking a bit more closely, he found that his finger was over a thin inscription that was neatly placed on the side of the lamp. Unfortunately, he couldn't read it with all the dirt on the lamp…

He paused, a keen sense of déjà vu coming over him. He shrugged it off, hastily wiping his fingers over the inscription so as to better read it…

**_THE END(?)_**

* * *

Wow, after so long, my writer's block finally cleared up for this fic. I'm so sorry to Skittlez-chan, for whom I wrote this fiction and who really deserves much more praise for her ability to put together such pairings. Haha, I'd have to say that I wouldn't be into half the pairings in Inuyasha that I write for if it wasn't for her. I'd also like to apologize to those of you who probably were wondering when I was planning to finish this, if I planned to at all.

I hope this ending is satisfactory enough! I couldn't see Renkotsu and Tsubaki having a "happy" ending, and I found the idea of him repeating the past very humorous. I always thought that the genie in Aladdin should have presented some punishment for infringing on one of his rules, even though there wasn't a 'fourth wish' rule originally. Er, well, not in the Disney film at least. I should probably read the original story before I say stupid stuff like that.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for reading and for putting up with me and I hope you enjoyed it! Have a great summer! Ja'ne!

OtakuSailorV


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